Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
