dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
