I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
