Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
