dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
