Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
