And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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