omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
