Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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