So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
