the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
