Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
