dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
