Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
did i walk over a car last night?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
