That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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