the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
