Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
