Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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