she was so not down for the gang bang
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
