Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
