I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
