Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i think i have herpe
just one?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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