I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
