I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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