She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
