I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
