May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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