i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
