What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
