I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
