just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
