Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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