I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
