I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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