Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
