he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
