The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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