if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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