he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
