I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
