I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
