i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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