Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
