He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize