Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
