Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
