Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
