its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
