lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
