Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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