So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
