they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
