Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I need a beard to bite.
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