he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Even my vagina gasped.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
