Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
