We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
