its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
