i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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