I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
