Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
