I hate your face
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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