I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
