My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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