I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
