I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
