my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i dont even know how to be here
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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