It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
