the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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