I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize