We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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