I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
