Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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