Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
