I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize