He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
