she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
