be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
