So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
