you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm really busy with my period
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