No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize